Reasons to live

1. I can't hurt my friends

Oh right.
Everyone hates me now.
So much for friends.

DAY 1

I'm building my walls up again.
I let them fall.
I let him see me, the real, uncensored me.
It saved my life but it was a bad idea.
My walls of protection, my walls to block people out that's what I need.
This time. I'm going to do it. And I'm not going to tell him.
He can find out.
For himself.
Then he'll see.
Then he'll see he never knew the real me and that my walls never come down.
No one will know this time.
I'll rebuild my lies.
Reconstruct my walls.
Practice my fake smile, my fake happiness.
And late at night, cry, like there's no tomorrow, like there's no way out.
Which one day will be true.
I need my walls back up.
I need them.

DAY 1

This is my new blog. Why? Because I gave the old one to someone I know. Nothing has changed. I'm the same person. Same struggles, same life.
I'm going under a different name now. I'm not sure what to choose. I could just use my real name.
I'm depressed.
I'm bulimic.
I cut.
I'm suicidal.
I can't say how long I'll last. But until then I need to let it out. Here is where I'll do that.
Why am I alive anymore. I want to die, I'm a nuisance to the world.
I'm a nuisance to all.
I just don't deserve being alive... I'm not sure why I was created in the first place.
My last blog was disorganized, not a real suicide note. This ones better.
From now on I'll count the days I live,
Until the day I end it all.
Soon. Soon. Please.
~Day 1